מוֹדָע מִזְּמָן אַחֵר כותבת, מתרגמת ועורכת
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הַתָּכְנִיּוֹת נִגְרְסוּ קֹדֶם שֶׁעָלוּ עַל נְיָר
וּשְׁאֵרִית הַזִּכְרוֹנוֹת הַמְפֻתָּלִים
נָשְׁרָה לַסַּלְסִלָּה טֶרֶם נִכְתְּבָה אוֹת.
הַמַּשְּׁקֶה הַצּוֹנֵן כְּבַר הֶעֱלָה אֵדִים וְאִבֵּד מִטַּעְמוֹ
כְּמוֹ הַתָּכְנִיּוֹת הַעֲלוּמוֹת.
מוּטַב לְחַכּוֹת לְצִנַּת בֵּין הָעַרְבַּיִם
אוּלַי מִמֶּנָּה אִוָּשַׁע.
לְיַד הַחַלּוֹן הַמְאֻבָּק
דּוֹהֲרִים חֲלוֹמוֹת וְרַעְיוֹנוֹת וּפְתִיתֵי נְיָר מִכָּל עֵבֶר
– פּוֹגְעִים זֶה בַּזֶּה.
וּבִי.
בֵּין כֹּה וָכֹה הַכֹּל נִשְׁכַּח
בָּאֶלֶם חָשׁוּךְ הַכּוֹבֵשׁ אֶת רֻבִּי בְּיָמִים כָּאֵלֶה.
יֵשׁ כַּמָּה רְשִׁימוֹת לִרְפוּאָה, אֲבָל כְּמוֹ בְּחֲלוֹם, הַגּוּף מְשֻׁתָּק-
אַף כִּי דוֹמֶה שֶׁאֵינוֹ חֲדֵל לָנוּעַ.
עוּבְדָה:
הַסְּדִינִים מְקֻמָּטִים
הַצִּפּוֹת כְּמוֹ הַצִּפִּיּוֹת סְחוּטוֹת מִזֵּעָה אֲפֵלָה.
אֲנִי מְנַסָּה לְהִזָּכֵר בִּדְבַר מָה בַּעַל רֶצֶף
אוּלַי תָּשׁוּב הָרְגִיעָה הַמְיֻחֶלֶת.
הַחַלּוֹן פָּתוּחַ לִרְוָחָה וְאֵין מַרְאוֹת.
מְכוֹנִיּוֹת חוֹנוֹת.
אוֹרוֹת כְּבוּיִים.
פַּנָּסֵי רְחוֹב עֲמוּמִים מִתְבּוֹנְנִים בְּזַעַף קְצַר רֹאִי:
מִישֶׁהוּ צוֹעֵק
מִישֶׁהוּ מֵגִיב
וְשֶׁקֶט נָבוֹךְ פִּתְאוֹמִי.
יָמִים לוֹהֲטִים
בְּעִקְבוֹת לֵילוֹת מְשֻׁבְּשֵׁי
פְּסִיעָה
מִכָּאן לְשָׁם וְהַלְאָה.
מַה אֶעֱשֶׂה מָחָר בַּעֲיֵפוּת שֶׁהִצְטַבְּרָה בְקִרְבִּי
כְּעָנָן ?
הַיָּרֵחַ– דָּקִיק מִצִּפּוֹרֶן חַדָּה
חוֹתֵךְ כּוֹכָבִים כְּאַבְנֵי חֵן
בְּנוֹפֵי לֵיל קַיִץ חָרוּךְ,
וְהֵם מֻטָּלִים בְּחַצְרוֹת הַבָּתִּים
בְּצִלְלֵי אִילָנוֹת שֶׁל עִיר
מְיַחֲלִים אַף הֵם לְצִנַּת רֶגַע מְפֻכַּחַת וְשׁוּב
מִתְכָּסִים בָּעָלִים הַמֻּטָּלִים עַל הָאָרֶץ בְּרִשְׁרוּשׁ צוֹנֵן.
רְעָדָה חוֹלֶפֶת. מִין צְמַרְמוֹרֶת.
חָתוּל יִלֵּל בַּחֲלוֹמוֹ וְחָדַל.
אָשׁוּב לַחֲלוֹמוֹתַי הַתְּפֵלִים הָאֲפֵלִים.
אוּלַי גָּנוּז בָּם סוֹד הַנִּגְרָר מִזֶּה שָׁנִים
זוֹעֵק: צָפְנַת פַּעְנֵחַ.
יולי-אוגוסט 2009
רות כה יפה הדיבור הפנימי הזה, מצד שני ישנה רכות כאילו ויושב מול, נמען אוהב, שאת נפתחת אליו כפרח, לוחשת לו את המילים ושוב נסגרת עד לאמירה: "צפנת פענח"…מקסים.
תמי, תודה על דבריך היפים לשיר ספונטני.
שיר אווירה מקסים ביופיו, רות. עולם שלם ותחושה קיומית חריפה נפרשים שם.
שלוש השורות האחרונות הן אידיוסינקרטיות. לטעמי, אם מדברים עם הקורא (ועם עצמך) על הסוד להיפתח, ואם לא – מיותר להגיד לקורא שאת לא רוצה לספר לו.
תודה לך אמיר על ההתייחסות והאבחנה. נשתבשה שורה ועתה תוקנה. שוב תודה.
אמיר, יכול להיות שלא הבנת את שלוש השורות האחרונות?
בוודאי שיכול להיות. האירי/י את עיניי.
לאמיר ולכותב הנסתר, כפי שציינתי לעיל, תיקנתי במשהו את סופו של השיר, לפי הערתו המועילה של אמיר.כל מי שכותב להלן, מתייחס אפוא לשיר המתוקו [שינוי קל ביותר].תודה להתייחסות הקפדנית.
רגיעה מיוחלת כתשובת נגד הן לעייפות והן לשאר היומיום המאובק של חיינו!
אמן , לו יהי רצון. תודה חנוך.
שיר נהדר רות
אמנות שיר וסוד לא מפוענח
המתפענח רק במלים על הדף
כסוי וגלוי וחוזר חלילה.
שירייך מחברים אותי לנפש השירה בעוצמה
מיוחדת. אלה מפעם ואלה מהיום. שירי שירי רות גם אם את הכאב את שרה . בכל זאת הירח הדקיק מאיר ומלטש כוכביו.
מירי יקרה, הנה כתבת פרוזה שירית לכבודי. חן חן על הידידות וההערכה.
היא הדדית.
יולי אוגוסט משוטטים בשיר היפה הזה כמלאכי השראה
קוראת את השיר כשיר קיץ ארספואטי
ריקי תודה על הקריאה הקייצית.
השיר מקסים ביופיו. חשתי כבתוך השיר בניגודים המתוארים כאן.
בֵּין כֹּה וָכֹה הַכֹּל נִשְׁכַּח
בָּאֶלֶם חָשׁוּךְ הַכּוֹבֵשׁ אֶת רֻבִּי בְּיָמִים כָּאֵלֶה.
יֵשׁ כַּמָּה רְשִׁימוֹת לִרְפוּאָה, אֲבָל כְּמוֹ בְּחֲלוֹם, הַגּוּף מְשֻׁתָּק-
אַף כִּי דוֹמֶה שֶׁאֵינוֹ חֲדֵל לָנוּעַ.
—–
רְעָדָה חוֹלֶפֶת. מִין צְמַרְמוֹרֶת.
חָתוּל יִלֵּל בַּחֲלוֹמוֹ וְחָדַל.
אָשׁוּב לַחֲלוֹמוֹתַי הַתְּפֵלִים הָאֲפֵלִים.
אוּלַי גָּנוּז בָּם סוֹד הַנִּגְרָר מִזֶּה שָׁנִים
זוֹעֵק: צָפְנַת פַּעְנֵחַ.
שמחה שהצבעת על הניגודים בשיר, בדרכך, שמואל. תודה מקרב לב.
שיר טרי ומרגש וכה יפה וקריסטאלי. אחפש את ספריך!
איריס יקרה, אשמח אם תשיגי את ספרי. כשראו אור הודיעו לי בחנויות ש"אין ספר כזה…" מזל שכתבו ביקורות מעודדות שחיזקו את ידי.
מבחינת תוכנו השיר מדכא, שכן מה הוא אדם?: התוכניות לעתיד (עם התקוות) נגרסו לפני שהועלו גם את הזכרונות (שהיו אולי טובים) לא מצליחה המשוררת להעלות באוב. גם ההווה הפואטי לא מצליח להגיע לידי מימוש.
אבל איזה דכאון מרהיב!
תודה לך גיורא, המוצא טוב גם בכאב.
מפוכח ויפהפה.
הי רות,
דווקא הרגע השברירי, שהרצון נחלש וכמעט אוזל מוליד עולם מופלא הנע בין עידון ופכחון. שיר חכם ויפה.
תודה לך עליזה יקרה, התרשמותך מן השיר מנתחת אותו למרכיביו העיקריים. תודה.
תודה יעל, הגדרתך מתאימה לכמה דברים שאת כותבת…
רות, אל תטרידי את נפשך – זה הקיץ המחניק את הרצון, את ההשראה ואת היכולות – לפי נסיוני, אחריו יגיע סתיו שהוא עונה טובה יותר לכתיבת שירה.
אהוד, יש משהו בדבריך, אבל השיר לא התאפק ופרץ… בסתו נשתפר ונרגע מעט.
בלשון מראות מאוד ציורית (הירח החד כציפורן והכוכבים הנחתכים כאבני חן ועוד…) תארת את הווית ה"אין מראות "
אותה חוויה שבה "הגוף משותק אף כי דומה שאינו חדל לנוע" שבה העולם גונז סוד, אך אין המפתח המתאים לפענח אותו.היטבת להמחיש בשירך היפה, רות, את אווירת חוסר השקט הזה
חנה, לרוב אני אוהבת את לילות הקיץ המפוארים בזהרם, אבל לא תמיד… תודה על תגובתך.
שיר יפהפה, רות. ואף הייאוש מעוצב לעילא.
שבוע טוב.
תלמה יקרה, שמחה שאהבת את השיר. שבוע טוב לכולנו.
רות יקרה, זה השיר שאני הכי אוהב מכל שיריך שקראתי. המפתח כנראה הוא במלה "ספונטני". תני לשירתך לזרום, ויהיה טוב גם לנו.שיר לירי-הגותי אמיתי.
עקיבא
עקיבא יקר, כמה טוב לחוש שיצירה כמו שיר [אפילו מדכדך] נוגעת ללב ידיד טוב ומבין. השיר אכן ספונטני בהרבה משירים אחרים [יחסית לאורכו] וחושף תחושות אנושיות של רובנו בליל נטול שינה…לילה טוב.
להתראות.
לדכאון החורף יש יחצ"נים מוצלחים הרבה יותר. לא ידעתי שפרט לי יש עוד שסובלים מדכאון-שתקון קיץ. ביטאת את תחושותי אחת לאחת. תודה. ויאללה, סתיו!
ועוד משהו:
אָשׁוּב לַחֲלוֹמוֹתַי הַתְּפֵלִים הָאֲפֵלִים.
מדבר עם השדים הפקידותיים מהשיר הקודם- חלומות של סידורים וגבבת היום-יום.
בקריאה חוזרת ראיתי שלא ניסחתי את דברי כראוי -כוונתי היתה לכך, שעד כה שמענו רק על דכאון החורף, כיוון שקל יותר להאיר אדם הסובל ממנו, מאשר לייצר סתיו עם כל משמעויותיו למדוכאי הקיץ. אז טוב שסוף סוף הגיעה יחצ"נית ראויה לדכאון הקיץ!
שמחה על תגובתך עלעלית [איזה שם אביבי נינוח], אני כמובן מוצאת סיבות גם לדכדוך בחורף. אבל תגובה מבינה מקלה על חיי היום יום המודרניים.
רות יקרה, ממש נסחפתי על פני שדות והרים, שם החלומות חפשים…
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